Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
