wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
