If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need water and some morals
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
