It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
