just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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