I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
