remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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