His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
