Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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