As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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