Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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