yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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