Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
