I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
