While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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