can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
