I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
