Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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