Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
