I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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