i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
