He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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