This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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