You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
