just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
