Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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