he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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