Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
