Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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