the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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