Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
