My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
