Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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