Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
