Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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