Where did you get a picture of my penis
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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