HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
