On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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