So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
