rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
