she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
