When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
