Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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