I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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