i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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