so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
