My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
