but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
