I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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