Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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