this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hippo gnu deer
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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