So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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