I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
