i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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