was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
