Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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