while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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