What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
