Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
