sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
