I need help removing her.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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