Your mouth is God's brothel.
My cat gives me a boner
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
