More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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