when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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