They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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