oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
