Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
