I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
