JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
