I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
