Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
