Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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