Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
